Thursday, August 5, 2010

Nag Alert, neeeeenerrrrrrr

Please don't let this silly post keep you from reading about my mother-in-law Roz and praying for her (see below).


I blogged awhile back about being a nag/ control freak. It hasn't been too pretty lately. I owe lots of people apologies. I nag my four year old about wearing weird pool shoes with a cream colored poofy party dress just in case someone at Hy-vee thinks I can't dress my kid.

I nag my poor friend about MOPs stuff instead of patiently waiting for her to get back to me.

Poor Devin. He's been the prey of the nagging; I've been the hawk. Before the words even come out of my mouth, I am prodded by what I'm almost certain is the Holy Spirit "Don't go there Marie. That's't say it! You'll regret it.....d'oh. Too late." I don't think the Holy Spirit channels Bart Simpson, but you get the idea.

So what is it with the controlling thing? Why do I want control so much? I guess there are lots of reasons:

So other people will perceive me as having it altogether or being dependable
Because I always think I'm right....
Because it feels good to get my way?

I don't know. I just know that I need some help. I reallllllllly don't want to be like this mom who called into Dave Ramsey today. Her adult daughter was in a lot of debt and the daughter was completely inept at handling any decision making. The mom was calling all the creditors, negotiating everything, etc. etc. When Dave asked where her husband was the mom said "Oh I've basically been in charge of this household for the past 23 years." I thought that was really sad. There wasn't any partnership. She was the helicopter mom who always saved the day but coddled her child. The dad basically ignored her and let her do whatever.

No one likes a micro-manager. There's no trust there. I need to do a better job of trusting those around me and having patience. I need to remember "apart from me you can do NOTHING" and that ultimately God is in control and it's not always about me me me all the time. I need to let my daughter feel some sense of pride in choosing her own clothes and brushing her own hair. I need to be more respectful of Devin.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Do you like being a control freak too?


Steve, Amanda, Kyle , Owen, and Madilyn said...

Marie, I can too admit that I am little bit of a control freak. I think it got even worse while Steve was deployed. I always hear, "everything is done your way." It makes me feel pretty bad and I try to be more of a partner, but I also think that it is harder when you are a stay at home mom. Most of the rules and boundries are set by you during the day.

As for the outfits, I just tell everyone that my guy is very independent. Most of the time they understand. Latest outfit...rainboots, plaid shorts and completly non-matching shirt...whatever. :)

H.E.A. said...

Oh Marie, just so you don't feel like you're alone:

I can't even be a passenger in a car. I offer to drive everywhere. Not ONLY so that I can be in charge of the car and it's driving in and of itself. But so that I can be incharge of leaving if and when I want to.

It's sad really.

I also can't be in the kitchen when someone else is cooking.

I can't let someone else pick a movie for me.

I can't let someone else order for me....

Yeah...I hear you Marie. I hear you :)

Michele said... know you are controlling when you don't let your family eat a kernel of popcorn at the movies until AFTER every preview has been shown and the movie is beginning. yes, i did that.

i have many regrets in many areas regarding my need to control - i recognize now that it was coming from a place of fear. fear of what would happen if i didn't try to control.

i was just talking to mariah about this last night. about ways that i could have handled things better. in the end, i think i have become more balanced through the years...but the desire to control still pops its ugly head up at times.

you recognize it - which is a great thing. at least you aren't in denial. :-O