Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Baby Wise

I have been feeling frustrated and tired because Ainsley doesn't sleep very well, so I got Becoming Baby Wise off the shelf and started combing through it. By the next day I was feeling completely overwhelmed with the idea of doing this big schedule and sticking to it. So tonight I was flipping through it, trying to figure out the whole cycle thing, and telling Devin how overwhelmed I was feeling:

Devin: "Haven't you read that book before?"

Marie: "Um, yes."

Devin: Didn't you hate it before?

Marie: "Um, yes"

Devin: "Addison turned out ok. Ainsley will be fine too."

Marie: "THANK YOU!" (I threw the book across the room)

The book has a lot of good ideas that I agreed with, like having a eat, play, sleep cycle instead of hoping your kid will fall asleep while eating and then silently cursing when they pop those eyes wide open again (see binky picture in previous post). I also think a basic routine is a great thing, but there's no way I can follow a schedule like that ::::shudder::::::

I have Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child on hold at the library. I'll give that one a try.

Honestly I don't know why I'm even reading all these books. All they do is stress me out. I felt like today I worried more about Ainsley's dumb schedule than enjoying holding her and being with her. Not what I want.

How was the sleeping thing with your kids?


Carmen said...

Oh boy! You dared to enter the pressure-filled world of parenting books! I know you knew better. :) I resonate so much with your feelings of fatigue, frustration and pressure. That book you have on hold at the library ended up being most helpful (and freeing) for me. Hang in there...Devin is right...this stage will pass. Just try to enjoy her.

Erica said...

Oh Marie. I too hated Baby Wise for the same reason. Some babies just don't get into good sleep patterns for a while. Calvin was one of those babies. We had routines but he was a cat napper and he didn't sleep through the night until he was 7-8 months old and he was waking up about 2 times a night to until he was 5 months old. I guess he didn't want to miss out on anything. But the kid would always fall asleep in our arms and take a great nap if we held him. We gradually worked our way to laying him down, and eventually we were able to lay him down awake and he would put himself to sleep, but it was work.

I know you are doing what is right for your baby. Try to tune out what other parents tell you about their babies (I always hated it when people told me their child slept through the night at 2 weeks). Please remind yourself when you hear those comments that every child is different and you know what works best for your child. I know you are so tired at this point. I'll pray that she starts sleeping better.

Alisha said...

How funny! I threw Baby Wise across the room too and Emelyn is doing just fine. I read the sleep book too and was very overwhelmed yet thought it worked (for 3-4 days) and then Emelyn was back to the same ole' same ole' routine of waking up at night and I found myself blaming myself thinking I was doing something wrong (not making her sleep, feeding her too soon... blah blah blah.) It all worked out in the end. The book said she should be taking 2 long naps each day by 3-4 months and she's almost 7 and still takes 4 short ones with about 11-12 hours of sleeping straight through the night. The book said this is bad, but she's a happy baby and we're loving her all the same! I think it boiled down to me trying to control things - when I let go and decided that if she woke up "needing" me that I should just respond in love and meet her need instead of complaining about it. About the time I changed my attitude she started sleeping through the night again. Go figure!

Em said...

Okay, I feel like I have to put in my two cents worth, also, because I've stressed a GREAT DEAL over sleep. I agree with everybody else that has posted a comment! Just enjoy this time--she's still really tiny. And every baby is different. Baby Wise wasn't right for me, either. I didn't mind the idea of a schedule. I just thought their schedule was overwhelming and it didn't give me enough 'how-to' advice on how to accomplish the schedule. Happy Sleep Habits was a good book for me. It is a longer book than the first one, but it was way more specific and helpful to me. I didn't read or attempt to set a schedule til James was 3 months (after the Christmas crazyness) and at 7 months, he still gets up once in the night to nurse and then goes back to sleep. But I actually don't mind too much. I figure that it won't be long before he won't need me in the night so I'd better 'enjoy' it now. Is that weird? He also has inconsistent naps--sometimes they're 45 min, sometimes 90 min. I can never predict which it'll be. BUT, I do know that he needs two of them, and I know when to put him down for those naps (and when to put him down to bed at night) based on the 'two hour rule' and 'sleepiness cues', which I learned from Healthy Sleep Habits.

Alisha said...

Oh Marie! Your comment cracked me up - only because I remember a specific night when Jake and I had the same conversation. I was like "I can't feed her - the book says it's just a growing spurt and that if I feed her it will grow into a habit and.. and... and..." Jake said "So the book says to let her starve and cry all night??? What kind of a book is this??? The poor child is growing and wants some food!!!"

Edi said...

I completely agree with Carmen. This stage is really pressure filled. As you try and glean ideas from others you ineveitably place more stress on yourself to do what someone else is doing or trying, because hey it worked for their kid right? My rule of thumb is that there is only one way for you to raise your kids, YOUR WAY. Embrace your parenting style and personality and yes try to add structure if you feel its important but don't lose who you are in the process. Your unique gifts as a mother are the reason you have the little ones God gave you. He's already equipped with you what you need to be a GREAT mom. The best advice I ever got was from a pastors wife. She gently reminded me to pray way more than I was about parenting my kids.
Ask Him for clarity and help. I'm sure you'll get it.
Hang in there and soon enough Addison will be trotting off to kindergarten and Ainsley will want to go to!

Keri said...

I have no advice to offer....I have one of the worst sleepers ever. But as I was driving today thinking about how frustrating it is to wake up 3-6 times at night, and what am I doing wrong, and how can I FIX this....I had a moment of clarity.

I can't fix it. And this will eventually end. She'll start sleeping, I just have to wait her out and keep trucking on. I don't know if that's any help,and I don't want to sound trite or minimize the situation, because I know how frustrating it is, but I've tried everything, and read the books, and applied all the "techniques" with no success.

So instead of beating myself up about it, I'm just going to have to be a little more tired than other moms might be and hope she grows out of it. I've decided it's a personality thing.

I hope Ainsley grows out of it sooner than Skylar has, but either way, it's going to be okay in the end. When our kids are grown and gone we might actually miss all of this, and then we'll have plenty of time to catch up on sleep:)

Heather said...

Cracking up at these comments. Kaiya didnt nap until she was about 6mo old unless she took a cat nap while she was eating or laying in my arms. I thought I was going to go nuts. Finally, I just decided it was her and I was fine. Then I got Baby Wise out, followed it for a week hoping for change & when she still wouldn't nap I lost it! I was so mad, first at her & then at the book! I decided screw the book, my kids just fine. A month later she started taking 2 awesome naps a day.

Amanda said...

Wow. All these comments! I'm a little late in the game here. Marie, you're an awesome mom. I know it can be a little frustrating, having your life revolve around when your baby sleeps, eats, and poops, but just do what feels best for you and your baby. I think our babies are too young to fit into a schedule now. But it will come...we just have to make it! Maybe I'll take pictures of how messy my house gets and mail them to you so you'll know you aren't alone! :)

Michele said...

like addison, ainsley is happy and healthy which means you and devin are doing a great job.

Brown Apples said...

marie- I had to laugh reading your post and the comments. I read baby wise with dakota, after reading it. I was a nervous wreck. I think I had postpartum depression after that! AFter awhile of feeling like a faliure, adam reminded me that anything i am doing that is making me feel worse is pretty much a waste. I gave it up. I had it work for some friends- their babies slept through the night like at one month, good for them. every baby is different. I loved "the happiest baby on the block." the white noise, swinging, sucking combo was a miracle worker at our house. both my hoys sleep with loud fans or air purifiers and sleep great now. do what you want- and if you are reading something that makes you feel like a failure- trash it. i will get off my soap box now.